"In Reflection"
an article by Dena
As I write this article, I can see the sun slowly sinking behind the horizon. Another day has nearly passed. A day that will be gone forever, just as the days prior to this one. Everything that I have done up to this very moment, everything that I have saw, felt, heard, are all gone forever. All of it is nothing but a memory now, time that can never be replaced, not ever.
The way that I have chosen to live my life up to this very moment has been nothing less than a personal choice, and it is what I wanted to do. I guess I could have done better for myself, but then again, how can any one of us define ‘better’, anyway? Better than what? I am who I am for a reason. I truly believe that God has put me on this earth to be whoever I want to be. Therefore, that is what I intend to do. None of us can go around pretending to be someone that we were not meant to be. Where would that lead us?
If I were to pretend to be someone else, what would I be doing? Most likely, I would be doing something I despised or things that didn’t make me feel good about who I am. Therefore, and again, that is why I have chosen to live my life the way I do.
As I reflect on years, months, weeks, days, hours, and even seconds past, there is one thing that reigns true in my mind, and that is the fact that I have tons of wonderful memories. Aside from being a mother to three great kids, I am also an avid outdoorswoman with an undying passion for deer hunting. “Deer hunting!”, my non-hunting female friends say. “Why would you want to do that?” Put quite simply, it’s because “I CAN!”. I guess I could participate in quilting bees or make frequent trips to the mall, but in all actuality, that just wouldn’t be me. In fact, I would be completely miserable. Therefore, I am what I am and I do what makes me happy.
Ever since I was a little girl, I have always had an incredible fascination with whitetail deer. To me, there is no other animal that could even compare to their beauty. As I was growing up, I can remember how my Dad would get as he prepared to go hunting. The anticipation in his voice was something that I will never forget. In fact, it was those times that I ever really knew for sure that my dad was alive inside. It was these times, long ago, that I remember. It was as if he had a glow about him, a passion that was burning deep within his soul, screaming to get out, and when deer season was over, he went right back to his old self, and I think that that person, the non-hunting person, was someone that my father did not want to be, because in his everyday life, I guess that he felt he needed to be someone else.
As the years passed, I spent a lot of time reading everything I could get my hands on that had to do with deer and deer hunting. Right around the age of eighteen, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I decided I would ask my Dad to let me borrow one of his guns. At first, he refused to let me use one, but eventually, he agreed. At this point, I had never even touched a gun, let alone shoot one. I knew absolutely nothing about any of it. All I knew was that I had the ability to learn and the willingness to succeed.
After my Dad gave me a brief talk about how to fire this gun, I went to the local sporting goods store and bought myself a deer tag. I am thoroughly convinced that the days that followed is what formed me in to the person that I am today.
Let’s take a step back for a moment. Like most of you, I’m sure that there was a point in your life in which you were not a deer hunter. Well, at that moment when my Dad handed me his gun, I knew that I was headed in the right direction. Just having that gun in my hands felt so good to me, and it was that moment that I finally realized that I was going to become a deer hunter, and immediately, and I mean immediately, I also came to realize that I must have had the same glow about me that my dad used to have, and to me, it was one of the most incredible experiences imaginable. I can’t even begin to explain it and I won’t even try.
Opening Morning of deer season 1980: Armed with a 30/30 that I had never shot, along with a brain full of deer hunting knowledge that I had acquired only from hunting magazines, I set out to my deer stand, alone. I got to my stand way before daylight, and let me say this, I had never been in the woods before this day. What I remember most was having to walk to my stand in the dark, and wondering if I was going to be consumed by some sort of hideous monster before I actually made it across the field. Once I finally reached my destination, I felt a certain peace rush over me and that is when I did a couple of “Praise the Lord” kind of things, thanking God that I made it to my stand in one piece. After I got all settled in my tree stand, it was if the world that I was accustomed to didn’t even exist anymore and that I had entered a completely different planet. I soaked it all up too. Everything so far had felt so right to me.
Stay with me now.
Have you ever sat in the darkness, unable to see anything before you? Then suddenly, the sun slowly starts to come up over the horizon. A cool breeze, crisp and clean, gently blows in your face. You take a deep breath and all you can smell is the scent of earth, cedar, and leaves. What a glorious smell. You take a deep breath now, filling your lungs to their fullest capacity, and slowly, you breathe out. All of your senses are feeling sharp and keen.
Slowly, everything around you comes to life. Squirrels are scurrying around on the forest floor, gathering food for the winter, birds are singing their morning songs, and in the distance, you can hear turkeys flying down from their roosts.
As you set there, listening, breathing, smelling, your entire body, you, everything about you, is wrapped in these beautiful surroundings like a warm blanket, sucking you in, almost as if it has forced you to disappear inside of it. Your body is completely relaxed. Your heart rate slows, breathing becomes shallow, and all you have working for you is your eyes and ears. Your body becomes in tune with the rhythm of the woods, you scan the area for any sign of movement, and you listen for the slightest noise.
Suddenly, you hear something behind you. Your body is on full alert now. Your heart starts beating rapidly, your breathing becomes labored, but still, you don’t move a muscle. You sit there, waiting, listening for more sound. The woods go hauntingly quiet and you hear nothing. But wait, you hear something again and it is getting closer, still approaching you from behind. Should I try and stand up? Should I stay seated? Should I try and slowly turn to see what is behind me? Your brain is telling you to stay seated, but your body is screaming at you to stand up. It’s time to make a decision. You tell yourself, “It’s now or never!”
The sound you hear is clear now. It’s the sound of footfall on the leaves. You know that it is a deer, you sense it. It’s time! Make the decision! Slowly, your body starts to rise to it’s feet. You are aware that if you make one wrong move, everything will be over in a second. Your mind is racing and your heart is beating so fast that you are certain that it can be heard. Carefully, you turn your head just enough so that you can see movement out of the corner of your eye. It’s a deer! A doe!
Once again, and even stronger now, your body goes in to overload. Your knees are shaking, hands are sweaty, your heart is in your throat, and adrenalin is pumping through your veins like a wild thunderstorm. You realize that the deer can not see you since there is a tree between you and her. Immediately, you start planning your shot. It’s time to shoulder your rifle. Ever so gently, you let off the safety and wait for her to step out in to an opening. Seconds seem like hours, as if time were standing still. Now comes the moment of truth. The doe takes that final step in to your shooting lane. She’s standing broadside, 40 yards away. You take a deep breathe as you put the crosshairs on her shoulder. Slowly, you exhale and gently squeeze the trigger. BOOM! The woods go crazy, but in seconds, falls eerily quiet once again. You made a clean shot. The doe is laying right where she stood.
Have you ever climbed out of your deer stand after shooting a deer and you don’t remember climbing down? Quickly, you start regaining your composure. Millions of emotions curse through your heart, body, mind, and soul. You walk over to the doe, drop to your knees and touch her. “Thank You Lord!”
Even though these events took place nearly twenty-two years ago, they still remain fresh in my mind, and before that day, it was unclear to me as to who I really was. But now, as I reflect on that time, I realize that I am still me. I’m still the same person on the outside, but on the inside it’s a completely different story. The capacity of who I am has grown immensely, only because I followed my heart, instead of doing what other’s expected of me. My life is richer now, and with every passing second, every minute, hour, week, and year of doing what truly makes me happy, my life has become full of wonderful memories because I made the decision long ago to only do what makes me happy, and since I chose to fulfill my passion long ago, and through the course of the twenty two years that have followed, not only has it made me a better person, it has also made me a better deer hunter.
It deeply saddens me that some people go through life, never knowing what it is that makes them happy. I guess that they become so consumed with the hustle and bustle of every day life, that they just don’t take the time to think about it. Whatever the case may be, it is never too late to step back, take a look around, and start doing things that you truly enjoy. Ask yourself this, “Is what I am doing working for me?” If it isn’t, fix it. Make some memories, be who you want to be, do what you want to do, but most importantly, do it all for you. After all, you are the person doing the driving on your journey through life. Don’t let time get away from you. Go ahead, take your foot off of the brake, take the wheel, and stomp the gas.
In addition to my passion for deer hunting, just last year, February 2002, I decided I would try my hand at competition shooting with black powder rifles. The very first competition that I shot in was held in Georgia, and I ended up winning first place in the women’s division. After that, I have gone on to several other competitions, including the Georgia Territorial’s and the Missouri State Championship. Although I didn’t shoot as well as I had hoped in some of these matches, I refused to give up. In Janaury of 2003, I shot in another competition in Georgia and was able to win first place in the women’s division and fifth place overall for the entire match. Shortly after the Territorial match in Georgia, 2002, I received word from the National Muzzleloading Rifle Association stating that I was among the five top shooters in an aggregate, therefore, I had qualified to shoot in the spring 2003 Nationals, in Friendship, Indiana. To me, that was an honor in itself, and for all of this that I do, the hunting and the competition shooting, I am ever so grateful to have been a part of it all.